How to have lunch without speaking Drupal

Oh no, It’s lunch time! I wonder if I’ll have anything to contribute to the conversation today. Will lunch today - like yesterday or the day before that - revolve around pull requests, Organic groups, migrate, scrum, code reviews, modules. Boring. If you share the same feeling reading the above lines, this blog post if for you.

Don’t get me wrong - I love my job and I love my co-workers as well. It’s just that every time they talk about these things it makes me wanna stand up on our designer kitchen chair and shout: My name is Orit and I am not a Drupal geek!

I have never developed any module in my life, didn’t contribute anything to OG nor have I never requested Brice or Amitai to give me a scrutinizing code review. So here are some tips:

How to work with Drupal geeks when you don’t have a CLUE what they are talking about (and even make it through lunch time) 101

1. Play candy crush under the table - Just let them do all the talking. That’s fine, you don’t have to contribute to every single conversation.
2. Homework - That thing I tried to avoid during all of my high school years returns to haunt me again. Read as many Drupal guides as you can and watch some presentations. Rumors have it that some of them are really funny!
3. Expand your knowledge - Know your politics a little bit better, read the latest best seller or go to that new movie everybody is talking about. Nothing like that buzz to make the conversation last a little bit longer.
4. Grouping - Go eat in large groups. Maybe no one will notice you are not opening your mouth at all except for chewing
5. Fake a sickness - Pretend you have a sore throat that prevents you from speaking. That should do it for at least for 2 days or so.
6. Pray, Pray, Pray - Pray to which ever god you believe in, that something dramatic will be on the news today: revelation of a major corruption, a big game in the Champions league, Brangelina adopts their 11th child or so. Something that non geeks can also speak about.

But wait! Why on earth would you want to change yourself?! I have known my self for almost 34 years now, I am too stubborn for that. There’s a “The The” song that kinda became my motto ever since I was a teenager - “If you can’t change the world, change yourself. And if you can’t change yourself then… change the world” Since I will probably never be a developer, I decided to roll up my sleeves and therefore We’re moving to Plan B!

How to teach your Drupal geeks to do human stuff, and not just talk about stuff nobody cares. 101.

1. Get them out of their bubble - from the comfort of their ergonomic office chairs, get their heads out of their screens and go to a Funday outside the office! who doesn’t like a field-day?

2. Exercise - Make them activate body parts other than their heads using a Multi Trainer device. That’s how their body will get some physical exercise, rather than their eyes, brains and fingers.
3. Brainstorming - Get them brainstorming all week about what will be on the menu of our Weekly Happy-Hour. That makes them communicate with each other on things other than work.
4. Weekly Thursday Happy-Hour - Closing the office for an hour or so, eating and drinking, catching up on the day’s news and each other. Work related talking is prohibited!
5. Organize an event - Help arrange their annual Drupal Camp. As the old saying goes: If you can’t beat them, Join them.

About balance

Obviously to reach an office nirvana you should probably find some balance between the two lists. Let me know if you have more ideas. Anyway, I’ve gotta go, it’s almost lunch time here, I’m starving, and I have lots to contribute to the conversation today.

Bon Appétit!